Shutting Down

Posted: August 19, 2016 in Viewer Discretion Advised

The shutting down. The quiet. The darkness seems so friendly. The closeness that once was.. seems forgotten. The anger and attitude in a hopeless see of thoughts not knowing where to go. Who to turn to when nothing has purpose or makes sense? What to do when arguments with the same pointless direction begin? The complete solitude in a dream would replace the negativity. The urge to scream and scrape the skin thats witnessed all thats been said and done. Feeling nails deep to the bone so complete fingers cramp with expected pain that seems to be not enough. The self hatred and wish to end all of it circles through my head as the tears slowly begin thier path down my cheek. The taste of shame while feeling breathless i get follows the cold coffee that was quickly shot down to fight the hundreds of anxieties being thrown at me. I shake and tremble with fear that has no common sense. Since when has emotion felt so small. I need to feel it raw. Screaming all the words and thoughts that can come to my mouth even if my tongue cant seem to follow fast enough. Hitting whatever walls i can find whether paper, plastic, or brick begging for the pain to cover the hurt. Get behind a wheel and drive endlessly at top speed ignoring all rules and just letting the road decide your fate. A deep breathe is needed but refused. The hug is waited for then ignored. The kiss remains on the edge of the lips and never allowed in. The fault of none. Wasteful and watchful the hurt continues. Emptiness continues. Hopelessness creeps. Is it time to give up? God i know you can hear me!!!!

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