It hurts that the judgment continues to seep through their pores. It hurts that family can’t be family due to the amount of anger, embarrassment, hatred, and other negativity that may encompass our world. Everything is based on what people think or feel. We can’t let people be who they are with out tearing it apart with every diagnosis or diagram of their life and what it should be. Everything is based on a belief structure or religion which has been adjusted and changed through out the years so many times, you wonder who you are actually worshipping anymore. I believe in God or the great spirit. I believe that higher power watches us all the time whether good or bad. I believe that unconditional love is there regardless of our beliefs and actions or ways of life. I believe we are so stuck in our judgment of what people and life should be that we don’t allow people to just live at all.
We are so set on what’s right and wrong outside of actual legalities that we let actual crime exist and happen. We are so shocked when a strong person comes out as weak and so upset when a straight person comes out as gay. What is it for us to judge what’s right or wrong in their life. We weren’t there when they were born or when they were going through the hell they did, why should we focus so hard on what they are saying now. Especially if the signs were there and you just kept pushing things aside.
Why destroy family and relationships over our own beliefs? If you have a religion and those around you don’t, why focus so strong on it? If someone like both sexes and you only like one, why do you have to care? Why can’t you just focus on their great smile and sense of humor? Why can’t you just be happy for them for the time they are happy? Why does it matter if they have tattoos or piercings? What does it matter to you?
I have conversations with people on a daily bases who I really don’t agree with what they say, but I don’t let that effect my smile toward them. I don’t let their way of life stand in the way of inviting them to coffee or breakfast.
I feel I have to sensor my life and relationship everyday because it does matter to people. They do let it ruin their day if they find out we are gay. They do start judgements if they find out I was abused. There are doubts about my words when they hear about my dog being a pit. It’s so hard just to enjoy our days as plain and innocent as they can be when all you see is judgment in your world.
Coffee soothes the emotions for a while. Let’s not drink alcohol since the judgements are endless there. It’s daytime, you don’t want to be incoherent for the days events. Waiting for more phone calls, emails and text messages of judgment.
A half hour goes by with confusion and despair with what was said. How do I have to protect my life from who is supposed to be family? Yes children have to learn from their wrongs, but what if they have learned and don’t care. What thought go through your head now? So what I married a woman and now we’ve been together got 6 years. It hasn’t been easy but why expect it to be? No one is perfect and I don’t expect myself or her to be. Anything worth fighting for is hard to do or get. If it’s too easy you don’t respect it as much. Why is my family and situation so much different than yours?
What walls should I be trying to knock down and is it worth the time and effort I need to put into it? Blood should matter right? All I have to do is place my pride and strength back in my pocket and admit you are right in everything you say right? What if I don’t feel you are right? What if it crosses my morality tree with the wrong string of water? I should just sit down and listen to the many ways I am wrong and should make better decisions for your Bible and your beliefs right? I should feel shame for your feeling and thoughts towards my life right? Parental guidence isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be. It never really was.
That’s OK. I’ll just continue listening to my rap music, drinking my gifted vanilla cappuccino, smoking my ecig, and paying bills in my pj’s.