“Eww… That’s Gross!”


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Three blind mice … see how they run… or shall we say three unique children… how much fun! I love the fun we have as a family and I have to say with school coming back around, I am very glad to see them move on and grow up some more. I will miss our mornings of 8am arguments, inside out clothing, howling dogs, barking children, food splattered on the table and floor over reading a puzzle, ridiculous video game squander, and of course the every ten minutes or so some little voice has to come in and tell us he loves us and give us a hug. I know having only 4 hours of sleep to some after working so many long hours dealing with angry pissed off people over stupid stuff doesn’t sound like paradise and believe me when a week goes by of this, it can wear you out; however, when you get to spend such precious time with your three little angels it just makes your heart sing.

In the midst of all of this heart singing, we had a morning I will never forget just a couple of days ago. Everyone has to get new clothes for school and our boys were no different. We got our boys new shirts, socks, and underwear. The best part is how we went about doing this. Our boys just like any others have problems taking care of their stuff. You know, the part where their clothes are all over their floor of their rooms, their socks are strewn across the house in various directions, their books and paperwork is pretending to be put up on whatever table or shelf they can shove it on, and the most important part of the day is when they made it another level on Minecraft or Spirit Stones. We tell them about every three months to get rid of their stuff if they are over it so they can move on and have a clean room and well taken care of toys. Of course this is like trying to convince a brick wall to move every three months so that it’s not in your way, but we give the old 1, 2, try.

This time I decided to throw a spin into our little trash can regimen. I had the awesome idea to go have the kids gather all their socks in their room, in the laundry, and around the house. I asked them to look everywhere they could. This took about a good hour and of course I didn’t stop the craziness there. Once they were sure they had all their socks from all over the house in the pile, we had them sort them out from their baseball and football socks. Then it was great and fun to tell them to go throw the rest of them away. Yes, I said throw them all away! Three boys threw about 18 pairs of socks away right? No, that would mean they would have to have that many to throw away. Of course when one of our children brings in two four pairs of socks, we both cringe and laugh at the same time. The boys did get a freak out moment as to why we had them throw all their socks away since now they had nothing for school. We weren’t done yet though. Now it was time to gather all of their underwear. The same amount of words and feelings came out. They were very upset and freaked out and laughing all at the same time. We had them gather every part of piece of underwear they could find. Then once again we had them throw them all away. Now they had nothing but what they had on.

Keep in mind, they had no idea we already went shopping the night before and got $400 worth of school clothes and some food for dinner. Now, they were without their socks and underwear and started a little dance around the house in anticipation of new stuff. I told them they weren’t doing this to get new stuff, they were doing it to learn a lesson. They needed to take care of their stuff. They seemed to slightly come down of their natural high at this point. Continually throwing in there that they were without clothes for school now and all they had was what they were wearing. Just when they thought the torture was over, we called them all in again and now they were to gather all their “wife beater” shirts. Now they were in panic mode and started freaking out with bits of tears coming out. The rigid mix of tears and laughter filled the room from each of the boys one by one as they left to complete their task of gathering all their little shirts as requested. One by one they came in and dropped their piles on our floor gaining more and more sadness to losing their stuff. They really loved these shirts so things were starting to hit home finally. Less and less dancing and more shrugs and dragging of feet kept the energies questionable from these poor tortured little boys. Did it stop there? No! We told them to fill the rest of the garbage bag with these and then bring the trash can in our room so we knew they weren’t going back for them secretly. Don’t ask me how we did this, but we convinced them one more time to go grab four shirts that they didn’t like or that were torn or too small. Without a hitch they headed off to get their shirts. The two boys got the hint and were careful what to give us that they didn’t want them. Of course there is one child who still didn’t catch on to what was being done and when he brought up his shirts, we had his throw them away. He immediately went into panic mode and tried taking back what he brought up and we stopped him in his tracks. Upset he continued to behave more and more like a younger child.

So now that we had in these little boys’ heads that we meant business, we had them throw these four shirts away with the rest of the unforgotten clothing line. Tears began streaming more and more and now attitudes continued as we reminded them if they would have taken care of their stuff to begin with they would not have to worry about this. So with all this garbage being taken up, we had our middle child go ahead and take his garbage out since it was now full. The youngest was making a big fuss over having to sit on the couch in the living room while thinking about why he had to get rid of all his clothes. The oldest has a huge problem with taking showers and after seeing he had a whole two pairs of underwear and about four pairs of socks to share with the garbage can, we had him go take a shower and when he asked what he was supposed to change into, we told him it wasn’t going to be one of the two pairs of underwear he brought us.

So while one of our children were in the shower and the other two on the couch waiting further arrangement of their punishment due to not taking care of their stuff, my other half was sorting through the bags of clothes, socks, underwear, and so forth waiting to be claimed by our lovely children. Once again attitudes were flying and now yelling was occurring of what was fair and what wasn’t at this point. Not sure how this next few moments took place without us peeing ourselves from laughing, but it just so happens we were going to be running late for work so we had to get going on this soon. We called our youngest child in and threw a pair of brand new from the package boxer briefs at him. What we didn’t realize was this particular brand of specially marked underwear was real stiff and that made them itchy. When our little man replaced his old underwear with his new underwear, he all of a sudden had this extreme shock and then panic come across his face. Much to all of our surprise his underwear was ultra-itchy… which then made him drop to the floor uncontrollably and start scooting his butt across the floor screaming, “mommy it’s itchy!”, following with, “why is this so itchy?” and “mom it itches so bad, do I have the wear these itchy underwear?” All of this while scooting all over the floor with his butt trying to get rid of the screaming hemorrhoid type itch that was driving our little man up a wall. He continued to run around jumping and screaming and itching and asking for his old underwear back. “Mom, can I have my old underwear back? At least they weren’t itchy like these”, the little minion begged.

We were on the bed dying at all this commotion and trying to get the next child in the room to change his underwear too. As we called the next child in to change his underwear, his excitement rose above all the itchy moments the youngest had to offer. He grabbed his pair and headed to the bathroom. Moments later he came out real red claiming we must have gotten the wrong size… mind you this child is going through puberty so growth will be a strong subject months coming up. We as parents knew this, but all this child knew was his new underwear had too much room “down there” compared to his old pair which were way too small. Again we died laughing and tried to cover it up with pillows and blankets with our red faces and snickering giving it all away. We asked for him to pull his shorts down so we could actually see if we did in fact get this new underwear too big. As we both thoroughly thought for two hours at the store, we got them the perfect size for comfort and growth. This wonderful child of our continued to show us the inch and a half that was just sitting there in his underwear waiting to be filled with “something” as he put it. We died so badly this time we both about fell off the bed and told him to pull his shorts back up and continued to explain to him why there was room this time in his underwear. All of us now are laughing uncontrollably as both of these boys have their own issue as to why they don’t like their new boxer brief underwear.

Finally our two boys go sit on the couch and our oldest comes us from his shower walking funny. Now, this child is always walking funny, but this particular time was real funny….almost like he was trying to keep his pants from falling. When the boys asked why he was walking funny he continued with he didn’t need his underwear since he had plenty of paper. I did not stutter!! He was wearing paper down where his underwear should be. Then to top it all off he actually came out and told everyone and wondered why he was being made fun of by his very innocent brothers of his. When mom came out to see what all the commotion was, the boys continued to laugh and cry with tears of laughter over this strange matter of their older brother. Our oldest was getting more and more irate over the teasing and continued to yell, “it’s not funny, I didn’t have any underwear to change into!” So while he’s explaining this to his brothers, mom notices paper trailing down this very upset child’s leg. Mom makes a swift comment, “it worked so well, it’s falling out your shorts”. As we once again try not to bust out into laughter over such a serious matter, mom continues with the lesson of taking care of our things from now on. All boys are now reacting and being serious while trying not to be any more offensive to our paper wearing child. As we all walk toward the bedroom to get the rest of our well awaiting clothing, the oldest continues to walk like there was a stick up his butt. One of the other children busts out, “I don’t know why he’s wearing paper, I would have just went without anything on” to which the oldest comes out with, “ewe… that’s gross!” LMAO!

We all made it back to the bedroom and continued to give each child their own little plastic bag of clothing. When they finally got to open their well waited for prize, each had their own type of socks, awesome designed shirts, specific color underwear with the right band on them, and the only thing they could wear at this point in time was the underwear and socks. As a family we continued to smile and snicker and laugh and play for the last few minutes before we had to go to work. It’s moments like these that bring us together as a family, as friends, as the not so perfect off the wall humans that we are.


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