Not feeling

Really feeling like a loser here. Lost my son. Lost my house. Don’t have anything to show for it but an extra dog and extra work hours. Struggling to feel wanted and connected. A piece has been taken from my heart. A piece has been taken from my family. The emptiness grows so strong and begins to feel so real and deep that my eyes seem to always be closed even when they are actually open. Tears falling seconds from my soul reaching for a meaning that doesn’t seem to be there. I hurt. I’m lost. I’m confused. I’m trapped. My stomach and body aches with pain I don’t understand. Why was I not good enough? What did I do so wrong? Why doesn’t anything seem right? So lost. Just want to feel home again in her heart, his heart, Thierry hearts. Just wanted to feel needed or worth something. Just want to feel like I’ve actually done something right. Don’t feel hungry. Don’t feel thirty. Can’t quench this emptiness. Can’t seem to cure this hopelessness.  Can’t seem to grasp my reason.