A Very Uncomfortable Picture

Adult Content .. Penn St officials head to cou...
Adult Content .. Penn St officials head to court on perjury charges (Monday, Novermber 7, 2011) …item 2.. Paterno family decries leak of e-mails on Sandusky – The e-mails also would suggest Paterno knew more than he said: (Jul 1, 2012 ) … (Photo credit: marsmet524)


OMG!!! Talk about a smack in the face … hello… I don’t think so… damn… wtf…. Yeah right…are you fucking kidding me… type of situation!!!!!! I just went to update my Facebook page and got a visual surprise I definitely wasn’t bargaining for. You know how you just go glancing at someone’s profile to see who they are and why they would want to be friends with you or follow you? Well, I made the mistake of doing this during the day time and mind you I may be a lesbian, but I’m very happy… so the extremely nude pics I saw of what appeared to be of the younger girl… very disturbing!!!!!! Can’t breathe!!! Chest tight…. Feel violated!!! Just had to vent that for a moment…


Now for the absolutely fantastic news of the day!!!! I got a 5 ***** review from a reputable reviewer on my new release!!! Yay!!!! It was a very moving review and made me feel like I am doing something right. I was honestly shocked at the wording and how he put his own emotion into it. Nothing like opening your email and expecting some type of response from the 30 or so people you’ve written to get some type of review from and then … viola search Amazon and find, “Secrets of the Velvet Closet”  reviewed two times! What a breath of fresh air! I honestly think I jumped out of my skin and did a little personal hop, skip, and jump right out of my pants. OK so my pants weren’t there lying on the floor when I was done hopping around, but that’s just because I have this awesome ability to move my stomach back and forth and keep my pants on when I am hopping around. Some call it dancing and some call it hopping. I figure if I’m moving around frantically like a monkey woman and there’s no music.. I’m just hopping. Now put some PINK on and get me hopping… That’s a very dirty dance!!!  (Visual preference to said scene not needed)


Now t hat everyone is pretending they can see me in their head hopping around like a crazed monkey, I can inform all of you… there are more reviews to come of this wonderful book of mine. I have requested several reviews hoping to get a broad spectrum of thoughts, hopes, dreams, realizations, lessons, passions, emotions, and whatever else comes out of our closets and readers. I’ve not asked one of these hopeful reviewers for a good or great review, I’ve only asked them for an unbiased review. By golly I believe that is what I’m getting. I am finding it harder and harder to bring open interest to my memoir since I’ve started the review process. It’s like people are scared to enter into this little world I’ve written about. Why is it so scary to read about a little girl who grows up day by day wondering why and how? We can read about women being beat, raped, or molested and talk up a storm about it. Ellen DeGeneres will even have them on her show. We can read about broken marriages and the extreme sexual content that it involves. We can read about women struggling to fit in as a African-American, Indian, Mexican, and several other races and religions without any issue as to whom may pick it up and talk about it.


As soon as we open the doors to the maybe’s, what-if’s, possibly, seriously, and so many other types of shocking news or story… speculation begins… judgment prevails… negativity finds a home… and doubt begins. What is real? What is fake? What does she mean by that? How could that have happened? Why did all that not make any sense? Sympathy strikes in some homes, Empathy strikes in others, and yet still we sit back in our comfortable little chairs in front of our cute or expensive little flat screen TV’s and wait for the next Lifetime story or the next 10 o’clock News of whatever drama we can’t believe happened but are inclined to watch. Am I judging? No!! Of course not, I’m just learning from the return emails and tweets I’m getting of who is comfortable with what. I’m learning the genre of books that bring money and attention. I’m honestly not shocked that SEX is what everyone wants to see and read and feel and masturbate to. I’m asked all the time if my book contains SEX. I’m asked how graphic the scenes are and if I told anything about women as well as men. I’m asked how descriptive I get with the provocative parts of the book. I’m told if I turned it into a fictional romance it would be a great book!


Honestly, if I wanted to write a fictional romance with love-making, fucking, sucking, and adulterated scenes, I would have done exactly that! If I wanted to write about how many different positions I could think of to fuck vampires or aliens, I would have done that! I wrote about REAL love, REAL passion, REAL adultery, REAL abuse, REAL decisions, REAL circumstances, and not for fame… I did it for other women or men to know and understand that WE are all out there somewhere. There are many people today that also have a story to tell and some are little people in little towns with big inhibitions that keep them from opening their mouths and being judged. There are also people out there who make millions of dollars off anything they do in their lives that have stories to tell… who can say anything and get paid for it or be the next cover on OPERA Magazine.


Would it be nice to make a few bucks on my book? Yes, of course it would! I’m not going to lie through it. I am just like anyone else. Working 40 hours a week struggling to survive to take care of my partner and 3 kids and hoping tomorrow is a brighter day. We are a month behind on our house payment, electric is due to be shut off, getting taken advantage of by those we opened our doors to, constantly butting heads over which bill is more important while realizing winter is just around the corner and still we have no wood or money to get any. We are just like any other family who has our own stories to tell, our own struggles to get through, and our own accomplishments to be proud of. I would love to go to the bank tomorrow and see a couple extra bucks to pay for this week’s gas to get to work. Am I counting on it? NO!!! Not because I don’t believe in my book or story per say! I believe in it or I would not have put it out there! I’m not expecting anything like this because I didn’t price my book to make a bunch of money off of it. I’m not expecting anything like this because I don’t know anyone in the big industry of music, movies, or books that would LOVE to give my book a shout just because of my family name or history. I say this because there are true stories everywhere of many people out there and the abuse or neglect or difficult decisions they experienced and most of them won’t be heard of or read outside of who knows someone or has a GREAT cover letter.


I hope my story sooner or later reaches across the world to those rooms and doors that are scared to open. I hope my story whispers hope into any ear that opens its pages quietly in the corner wondering what’s wrong with them. I wish to be the virtual shoulder to cry on and the hands of joy to wrap around when someone begins to feel the emotions the book will bring out. I hope in some way shape and form that this book will make its mark in literary history, but not necessarily by media… but by the little emails and responses here and there thanking me for speaking out!


I’m currently interested in a blog tour and of course… having some seriously difficult time finding a tour place that will host my book. Not the subject matter and genre they are comfortable with. Again, if it were fictional steamy romance… I’d be in. My goal is to find a blog tour that will take me as I am and walk me through the steps of a successful tour as well as support me throughout the days of my book being projected to the world. I am open to the interviews they want to give me and would love to get a book trailer done for my book. Again… all these are goals and dreams…. Not very likely at this point. I don’t give up hope however since that and faith is what has driven me to this point. Have a little faith in me… these words ring in my ears as the song seems to communicate to my heart and soul that it’s a day by day process to feel.


The good reviews are a definite boost to my confidence in myself and make a body feel good that they are unbiased, but what actually counts is when you go home at night and look yourself in the mirror. What do you think? What do you say? How do you feel? Are you happy? Are you proud? Are you ashamed? These are the interview questions of the day that we each have to become accustomed to answering each day or night. These are the trials we get to put ourselves into as we step back into our own little worlds from all the challenges we have faced during the day. This is the way we can choose to give ourselves a pat on the back or a slap to the head. I know reviews help my day become more positive for sure, but in the end… my honesty… my passion… my love…. My desires…. My own real choices to make the day a better day everyday with my family…. That’s the reason I can come home and interview myself in that mirror and though not very bright… be proud of the days accomplishments.


My partner and I sit back and wait for Karma to hit some and prayers to answer the other. We watch how more things seem to go wrong than go right and find the strength every day to just sit back and smile knowing at least we have each other and we both love our boys as equal as we can.


There’s a certain holiday coming up that I honestly can’t stand!!! I have my reasons and they are listed in the book so I’m not going into detail about it, but I will tell you this… I won’t let my problems become my children’s’ so this wonderful holiday will be thoroughly enjoyed every way we can. Here’s my key point to mentioning this wonderful holiday… we have three beautiful boys… Here’s the chance for all the awesome judgment out there to take over all your lovely open minds. Then you can either continue following The Velvet Closet of a Lesbian  and purchase Secrets of the Velvet Closet  or you can run the other way and make sure you block my blog or emails anyway you can, because honestly I don’t care either way. I am honest and to the point and that will never change!! I tell it like it is and always will!! The wonderful and talented three boys in our care receive no different treatment. This lovely holiday we will have a Zombie Doctor (oooh scary), a werewolf (ouch don’t bite me), and a monster high doll (WTF?? SERIOUSLY???).


Yes, I’m serious! I’m very proud that the littlest one of them all has such a playful mind and open heart that he doesn’t see gender in dress up, play, toys, colors, or anything like that. No, I did not put things in his head to breed him to my satisfaction! I plainly support him when he comes to me and says I want to try this! This dress idea started as a joking punishment. My little guy was still having night-time wetting problems and he would leave his pull ups all over his floor instead of picking them up. So I told him finally one day that if we did it again, he would be wearing a dress for an entire day. I thought this would deter him from doing this again, but instead he told me (high intelligence) “only if I get to pick the color of the dress”. So I obliged and thought that’s the least I can do at this point. Honestly I didn’t expect him to get so excited over it!!! He chose to wear a purple MONSTER HIGH dress for his PUNISHMENT!!!


Well, I let that go for as long as I could… however little man was getting upset reminding me for about 6 months that I owed him his dress!!! Well, now this lovely holiday how come around and he got his wish!! He’s so excited that he went and tried the whole outfit on right away!!! Here’s the part you are waiting for though… no he’s not gender queer. He loves girls, cars, trucks, wants to be in the ARMY when we get older, and can’t wait to enter into football!!! So I did nothing WRONG to him for him to act like this… the only thing I’m guilty of is being honest, open-minded, stay at home mom (working with him many hours a day… reading…. Music… computers… Writing…and so forth), and of course picking a very strong-minded intelligent man to be his father!! Between the two of us… he’s a very intelligent child who loves to play chess, video games, read, football, and of course dress up!!!


Now that I’ve painted a very uncomfortable picture for you…