Wake up Call

In Trust of No One
In Trust of No One (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Getting a series of wake up calls lately! Every time I turn around someone somewhere whether family or not is surprising me with some sort of wake up call to an attitude or thought or action. One of the biggest hearted people I know today actually shut down her heart this holiday season. She was finally hurt one too many times by those she poured her heart out to and took the deepest breath I’ve ever seen her take. This is a person who has always had that open door or spare shirt for those who needed them regardless of your background or situation. She always took you for the wonderful kind-hearted person she felt you to be even if it was hidden in some cases. This person has been an inspiration to me my whole life or at least most of the years I’ve “known” her. This is heart breaking for me to conceptualize. For a person to reach such a breaking point in their trust and love for human beings that they actually shut down and out someone who could really use that holiday cheer, is so detrimental to our well-being as humans that it’s just almost despicable.

 

I understand why this is and I completely agree some action had to take place, but I guess I’m not to the point of hurt in my life that I can just step back and say “no” during a Holiday need. How much hurt does that take? How many lies and deceitful thinking does it take to drive a person to that extent? When you reach a certain age, you swear you’ve just about seen it all. This person could very well say that in her years of traveling, exploration, meeting people, doing many things (good and bad), and most of all creating family when there was none to create. I’m severely misunderstood at this point that someone so real and down to earth and honest and just completely Golden Hearted with everyone has finally turned their cheek to none other than a “child” at heart.

 

It hurts so much for me to sit and think about this and the history that I have with both parties that this pertains to. It seriously kills me inside to think and feel the pain that it takes to push someone to such limits. I’m close to both in the conversation and taking sides is permitted but definitely not attainable at this point. I guess I still feel it’s unfair and not really well thought out. I know, who am I to say something is unfair when it’s not even my life or decision to speak of it? I don’t have rhyme or reason to speak of to back up anything I feel or say except, “empathy”.

 

So the other subject I wanted to bring to light this wonderful Friday 13th is love and forgiveness. I have an opportunity to completely give my all to my partner with all the world of forgiveness and moving on that love can offer. How do we know when we’ve completely let go of our past to allow our future to exist? We say we’ve moved on and we spout out all kinds of profanities and ill-gotten thoughts towards people who have wronged us or hurt us in the past, but how many of us actually take that extra step and literally move on and forgive? Think about it whether it’s one year, ten years, or 50 years that we’ve known someone and gotten real close and trust worthy and then all of a sudden what seemed to be, just became fake, untrusted, doubted, unloved, sheer, conjured from some mistake, or whatever it may be. When you have it so ingrained in your head that this person is so much to you and you’ve convinced everyone around you that they are more than you could ever imagine and you build your life around them…. Then one day you open your eyes and see… absolutely nothing!

 

How do you recover from that? How do you move on from that? How do you not judge everything and everyone by that of which was slapped on you with no warning? When you have so much engrained in you by habit or routine and all of a sudden someone comes into your life once the said drama is over, it’s real hard to just pick up at a different spot in your emotions and trust and decide I’m over it and I’m starting new. …

 

Just a thought I wanted to share….