Words of Encouragement

OMG! What am I to do? Emotions exploding, tears uncontrollably flowing, negative energies all over, shaking and trembling…. must release! So much going through me and I can’t control any of it. The hurt, the pain, the sorrow, the anger, the hatred, the evil thoughts, and all I can do is sit and let it transfer through me. Such an emotional tie to this lovely lady and all that she does and who she is. Walking near or being far doesn’t matter anymore. The heartbreak and pain screaming to come out and the pacing to handle it all. My pain kicks in and panic takes over. Both my boys get a phone call home or a note saying there was trouble. My lovely lady upset at what she doesn’t know or understand.

All this at once with no breath in between. All this emotion and fear with no reason to feel. Hyperventilation continues with bathroom trips to clean up. Writing commences hoping it all makes sense enough to release. Why am I crying? Why all the pain? Why all the turmoil? Why the hurt or suffering that I can’t explain? All this hatred and anger surfing through my body almost searching for an answer on it’s own. My heart beating rapidly and my life turned upside down. Pain that doesn’t exist crawling through my veins. Sweating with anticipation of my next intelligent thing to say. Hope he doesn’t see me like this. Hope I don’t get caught. What would I say? I can feel your thoughts?

What kind of bullshit reason is this? What sort of stupid game can you play? I wish I was lying sometimes … then I’d know what to say. What excuse can I make up? My son got into trouble today. I can’t mention my lovely lady since that kind of talk at work is not allowed. No one cares about the pelvic pain that I just had to pop two pills to handle. So what kind of words will help me to escape the feelings of today? All humans have cleared the area and now it’s time to breathe. Hopefully I can calm down and find a reason to just be.

I’ve upset my lady and she doesn’t know why I’ve erupted. I’m told it’s not her fault and it’s not fair to be mean or mad at her. I’m not bipolar and never would claim to be, but when I erupt with visual reason in tact… my Empathic abilities are on overdrive. This means someone near me is emotionally out of control and my sensitivities can’t control what is going through me. This means someone somewhere is having a mental or emotional melt down and my body is going to follow until I can find a center and release. No warning for me either. No red light to see. No ability to shut it off. I get to just let it come through and take me.

Just because I’m a beginner or a baby of sorts, I can’t immediately control what’s happening to me. The amount of things that go through me in the amount of time they find their way, I might blink faster than that… so please understand it’s not YOU today. I hope with several deep breaths things will start to make sense. I hope when the visions finally release themselves from my thoughts, my words of encouragement will eventually have their purpose.