What I am… is … What am I?

You know what I’ve noticed? Even if you don’t know what you are talking about, as long as you show confidence in what you are saying, someone craving the right answers to come their way will believe intensely everything you have to say. Since I’ve been with my Lovely Violet I’ve gained a confidence and sense of self-worth I’ve never had before. Not because I only believed her, but because she made me see who I truly was that I was brought up not to see. Shes helped me embrace my differences, love my faults, strive harder creatively, and realize how beautiful I truly am… even if I don’t spread my legs.

In the past I was used for sexual favors and basically brought that it was my job to please men. I watched the elders around me pretty themselves up just to be groped and fingered by whatever man would give them the time of day from the amount of whiskey or beer they finally had. I walked in on all kinds of sexual situations that were always questionable after things i was told and supposedly listening to. I was to enjoy a slap on the ass, appreciate a drunk whisper of love in the ear, and understand whatever they did when they were drunk was OK cause they were drunk. . . they didnt know any better. As I got older I was not to leave the house with an elder if I was not visually pleasing to men. Then when I was shown attention, it was almost as if  I was just bait for the elder to be their proposed sex slave.

When I got older and stayed away from my homestead more, I got started quietly living the life i truly wanted… or so I thought. I had relations with women finally. It took the right super sexual whore to teach me what I needed to know to really watch A women squirm and wait for them to scream my name as I was bringing them to the peaks of a world I only dreamed of. I got good at making my lady happy, for the moment, for the night. I had to realize quick, the male hormone was still needed and I was only appreciated when he was not available. This gave me a great disposition over my new self-confidence and way of life. I had to remember however what I was doing was wrong to begin with. I was only to please men no matter how wrong it truly felt deep down inside. It was a real personal struggle for a long time, but tried this new pleasure trip on different women that would let me in. I noticed I was always “tried out” at night, while drinking, behind closed doors, secretly before I was pushed to daylight while they slept in peace. Any affection I tried to give during daylight was refused and caused anger and embarrassment. I began to understand this is the way it had to be; however I was getting the right attention I wanted.

This went on for years. I ended up having that male hormone here and there to visually keep my family happy. It wasn’t until I was sick of being laughed at, made fun of, an excuse to get drunk, and completely let down on what i evidently was… that I opened my eyes.

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