I wasn’t me!!

There comes a time in life when you really have to open your heart and soul to see what’s important in life. To see what real fullfillment is about. To see that you are destroying your family, self, friends, and coworkers by being someone you are not. This doesn’t mean it’s on purpose by any means. This means that whatever is going on in your life and the time that you felt was so important to take care of and it has by chance changed you… you wake up and see the world disapearing. You see in all the moments necessary that it is “you” who has changed and destroyed the world around you. Regardless of what was actually meant to be done. So how do you change that? What do you do to become the “you” that everyone around you has come to love and cherish?

I’ve had to make the decision to stop taking my Lupron shot. I have been so worried about keeping my abdominal pain away that all the side affects of the medicine I was taking was blinding me from being the real me. The whole point of it was to keep the pain away and not have to take a ton of meds to do it. Well it ended up I was not only moody and down right mean, but I was also taking more meds and vitamins than I every have to begin with. I was eating like a horse and never satisfied. I found myself craving food like never before. I found myself craving anxiety control with whatever means necessary. I found myself saying and doing things to those that I love around me and not even realizing how heavy my words and actions really were. I was told there was side affects to this medicine and I was warned things could happen, but I was not fully aware of the detrimental effects until I almost lost myself so bad that I hurt those around me. People were pulling away from me emotionally. People I loved were avoiding me and refused to really have a conversation with me due to my “attitude”. It hurt real bad.

It’s said you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. I can very well verify I lost myself for about a year and almost lost those that I love around me due to the ill effects that this Lupron shot gave me. Sure I did have much less pain. I will give it that much. I also had really sore bones and joints, I was starving all the time and gained a good ten pounds, I was a serial BITCH with out even trying, and well… I wasn’t me.