We are all our own type of normal

I’m Interested in all that the world has for me. I’m interested in the effort put forth to make all of my life make sense. I’m interested in the people who at one point claimed to be real and honest in my life and in their true colors or turning point actually just became a stepping stone to my destiny. I’m interested in all the people who have been real and honest and helped up to those stepping stones that became the road to my destiny. I am so interested in everyone and everything that makes me wake up in the morning and give my love a kiss and my kids hugs. I am so deeply interested in making sense of all the negative energies that keep coming into my life and keep trying to take over my positive energies that are thriving if even only for moments. I’m hoping in all these valuable moments that I get to thoroughly possess in the tiny bits of time I do have, that all that is supposed to be will happen and be.

Now that I got that off my chest, I recently had a wonderful conversation with my loveliness that made a lot of sense. Honestly it sounded like something that I would of said in my right mind. She basically told me in the spouts of my insanity and depression that “We are all our own type of normal” whether it’s fat, skinny, tall, short, crazy, adhd, psychotic, schizophrenic, bipolar, ocd, or whatever it may be. I’ve caught myself getting down hard on myself when I catch our oldest having a severe episode and reliving each time he tried to hurt himself. The sad part is I never know if it’s real anger or if it’s from the “Voices” that drive him to that. It scares me that I may not be there one day and he may have an episode that will drive him to really hurt himself or even try to kill himself one day with out even knowing it. It’s one of the scariest things that go through my mind on a daily basis.

Then there’s the youngest that we have to convince all the time that there’s nothing wrong with him and and no one hates him. We have to tell him all the time that he’s a wonderful boy and sometimes people just have to go on vacation for a while. I feel bad for him. Now he’s trying to harm himself all the time. Figures there’s some other family out there that’s more important than him. We are always telling him we are here and we love him and we will do everything we can to prove to him we will never let him down to the best of our ability.

Our middle child has his own thing determining between what’s real in his life and what’s not real. What’s worth making a deal over and what’s not. He’s missing his best friend at this point and unfortunately he won’t see her till school starts again. I feel bad for him, but I’ve told him that’s what a having a friend is about. . . missing them so that when they do come back you appreciate them that much more. We all have to live our lives and learn from them bits and pieces at a time.

So with all this going on, I’m back at work and loving it! We have a great crew and we all work together pretty well. There are a couple of characters that I look forward to making the day go even faster and smoother when I work with them, but honestly they are all pretty awesome to work with. It’s nice staying busy again and with the new management I actually feel worthy of being there… well… that’s the dip today…

Oh and Secrets of the Velvet Closet; A Memoir will be available very soon in Amazon and stores soon following. Anyone know of Mclean and Eakin in Petoskey? Yep …

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