Life is Worth Living

So there comes a point in time when you realize all you thought you knew, no longer matters since you really didn’t know it. It’s like there’s a certain amount of knowledge allowed per age limit. What you know when your a kid doesn’t compare to what you know as a teenager. What you knew as a teenager doesn’t compare to what you know as an young adult and so forth. The sad part is for some reason when you realize you are at that age bracket of knowing something different than before, you get hit with a serious wake up call that almost knocks out everything you knew before. The people who you thought you knew so much about and counted on for things, no longer seem to exist in your life. There are new ones now that definitely prove their existence in every way they can. Almost more significantly than the other ones did. It’s sad to say but I was told by someone when I was younger standing what used to be my BFF that everybody moves on and down the line we would eventually not talk to each other. This lady told us straight to our face that our friendship wouldn’t last as it wasn’t real anyway. We both laughed and looked at each other and said, “yeah right”.


Low and behold the old lady might actually have known what she was saying after all. I don’t know how or why, but for some reason it’s come true. What’s sad about it is… I honestly never believed it would happen. I should have known it would since everything happens for a reason. All the events that led up to it pass through my head here and there and I begin to ask myself, “how did you not know?”. However; as I said things you knew before almost get knocked out by things you know now. So what I know now is what my used to be “dad” used to tell me when I was younger. He actually raised me and taught me about life and called me his daughter or “partner” until he found out I was gay. His words to me were, “you will go through your whole life and when you are old and gray, if you have enough REAL friends to count on one hand… you did good!” He told me over and over again to not count on friends as they are just another person trying to make it through life. As a child we think we know everything and of course I went against what he said, but I will tell you what… so far into my 30’s … he was right.


Now, the man I call my dad and will till the end of time, has told me, “Good things come to those who wait.” and “You got something good out of it all.. right?” Which I did. I got to know what it was to have a good man by my side when he was a good man. If it wasn’t for him… I wouldn’t have gotten my oldest out of the abuse. Granted he wouldn’t have got the job that did it … if it wasn’t for me. I wouldn’t have the beautiful little boy I was granted that he gave me. I wouldn’t have the beautiful down to earth woman by my side that I do. I surely wouldn’t have the man I call dad at my side either. So I guess good things do come to those who wait. Now recent news has told me that I need to understand I am no longer a part of important life decisions that are made for the “good of the children”. So recently I have made further decision to close down that part of my life. I guess it’s time to move past what hope was there to rekindle whatever friendship or relationship was there to live life as it was meant. I really never thought it would come down to this, but who ever does honestly?


I’ve got some good comedy videos that I can show to the boys when they get older of who a special man was at one time. They’ve got pictures of many smiles that always counted at the time. A voice will be missed, but life will go on.


So, many bills to catch up on and I’m actually excited to say… electric has finally come way down. It only took three sets of people we tried to help to move on. The sad part is.. we learned the hard way that helping people hurts. We’ve put ourselves aside for others for our last time. Our house got destroyed, our bills ran up, people smoked and drank in the house in front of the kids when we asked them not to, we were lied to, played, and all because we opened our doors to needy families to help them get on their feet and feel loved once more Why does it all have to come down to this type of love? Why do you feel when someone helps you out, all you do is wait for them to turn their back and you can take what you want and when you want? Why destroy the trust and love between a few good people for your own wants and needs? I just don’t get it.


I’ve been getting some word from my daughter. Yes the beautiful Bruklyn is missing the momma. I know I know she’s not really my daughter, but damnit I have rights. I have raised that girl with her dad and taken care of her. I was the one who walked her through her frustrations and celebrations. I was the one who picked her up and dusted her off when her mother walked off for some man. I was the one who held her in tears when she felt no body cared. I was the one who held her in joy when she opened her presents during birthday’s and Christmas’. I was the one she told about the boy she had a crush on. I was the one who caught her in her first computer exploration. I was the one assisted in her first doll collection. I was the one who uncovered and supported her talent for designing clothes. I was the one who did these things and more. So Damnit! If I want to call her my daughter… I will!! Yes, she’s my Bruklyn Bitch! I have this nickname for her and I will keep it! I love her and always will! Nobody will take that away from me.


Now… that I got that out of the way. I’m still working on getting the pictures I want attached to the book. I am thinking it will go quickly once I get the software figured out. I am getting more and more excited everyday since it’s getting closer and closer to put the book back up. I also have more and more followers on @Lena_Rai by the day. It’s awesome to know I touch lives. I do get emails and responses from people thanking me for my honesty and helping them understand that life is worth living and they are not alone. That always makes everything worth it.


Off to make people happy for a living! Oh and to ALL OF MY READERS….