Damn Gift of Mine

Figure 15 from Charles Darwin's The Expression...
Figure 15 from Charles Darwin’s The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals. Caption reads “FIG. 15.—Cat terrified at a dog. From life, by Mr. Wood.” Author’s signature is at bottom left. See also figures 9-14 and 18 by the same author. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I don’t get it!!! What the hell did I do? Wait a minute… if I see it through…

 

I’m so sick of everyone just expecting me to “feel” what’s going on with them or “know” what’s in their mind. I’m so sick of people not talking to me about things that bother them just because I should be able to feel what it is. Just because I am an Empath and have specific capabilities doesn’t mean I’m a professional. It doesn’t mean I chose to go around butting into everyone else’s business. Then when I do ask what’s going on, it’s like a total break of trust or a sin that I’ve created and I cause attitude and arguments. It’s not an accusation… it’s a simple piece of curiosity. Usually for whatever reason I’ve felt something or just became observant and was concerned. I do care far past my ‘gift’ for people’s fear or amusement. I do care in a very deep and realistic way far past what I’m being drowned in with everyone’s emotions.

 

Half the time I don’t even know who’s energies or emotions I’m gathering. Half the time most of what I see, feel,  or hear doesn’t even make sense and it does nothing but confuse me and irritate me. I get to a point of control that I have to either blow up and cry or get mad… or I have to clear out all my energies as quickly as possible. Both ways are very difficult to handle and even more so when you don’t have anyone around you anymore that even briefly understands it. You get to a point, you wish that expectation wasn’t there from people. Maybe just maybe they would break down and talk to you on their own. Maybe they wouldn’t just expect you to know what’s going on with them. I consider it a break in personal privacy to just but in on someone’s emotions or feelings. Unless it’s someone I really really care about and/or someone ‘s emotions are so far out there that anyone can see or feel them…. Well then there’s a whole different story.

 

So what do you do when you know someone is keeping something from you, but you are trying to respect their personal privacy? What do you do when everything comes crashing down and you have no control over anything anymore? When your gift has no meaning or purpose to the extent it would be needed in this particular circumstance. When suddenly the same gift you wish you could take away so you could just be normal and not know what’s going on with people before they do, is the one that you are trying to excel at so that you can help in this circumstance in some way shape or form? I really honestly don’t get it! I sit and try to wonder why. I hope and dream and it’s just not what it seems.

 

My complete undying love and devotion are the key to a grand happiness in some movie or award-winning love story, but when it comes down to reality… it’s never enough. I always end up with curiosities about what I feel and come off either pushy or non trusting. Granted I have all the rights In the world to be non trusting with the world I’ve lived in and the people I’ve been around. I have all the right in the world to feel betrayed and used and abused by those around me… in the past. It’s so hard to let go of feelings so strong when they seemed to creep down inside you at your worst or weakest moments. It’s so hard to feel what’s right when you swear everything you feel is wrong. I hate that I become judgemental automatically when I feel something wrong with someone.

 

I don’t get to have those awesome conversations with people about the surprise of how that felt or why she/he was thinking that way. I usually already know how they felt or why they were thinking that way. Lately I’ve been doing what I can to lock down and shut down since it seems every time I open up and allow my emotions and energies through… I’m getting stomped on by some over grown smartass or down right rude dumb ass or just a very temperamental person who takes everything way too wrong… way to quick. There’s no time to waste and wonder however; since I get the feeling and seconds later… doubt and deliberation begins about whatever it was that was chosen. I wish there was more of an instruction booklet to what I am going through. I wish there was more of a manual to walk me through what I’m supposed to feel and what I’m supposed to do when I feel or know someone very close to me is upset or confused or feeling betrayed with out butting in or taking control of the situation too quickly.

 

So I’m working on getting my book, “Secrets of the Velvet Closet; A Memoir” proofread and possibly reedited. I had 250 book purchases during the black Friday event. Thank you for all those who bought the book and are reading it. I do ask that you leave a comment either on Amazon or on another site. You can even leave the comment on my blog page for that book if you want. I just appreciate honesty and constructive direction. I am getting emails back about  the book with thoughts such as endearing, honest, real, soul bearing, and countless other words of great description. For those interested, when the final book has been gone through with a fine tooth comb and is “all better”, I will be releasing a 2nd edition with a bonus chapter. 😉

 

What will be in the bonus chapter? Well, you will just have to wait and see…

 

My Jewelry in Candles business is going better than can be expected. I created a website address for my JIC website at scentzofjewelry.info for easier access to my site. I’m working on my business cards and have yet to order any since that takes money and I’m picky about my design. I’m hoping in some way shape or form  I may find the right company to give me a break and either get some cards for free or just trial. I’m worried about presentation, color, professionalism, and so many other things.

 

 

 

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2 Replies to “Damn Gift of Mine”

  1. Ive subscribed to her emails but cant afford the sessions.. Thank you for the compliment.. I write what is real and i dont hide much anymore! I very much appreciate your honesty and hope you come enjoy my writings further.

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  2. Empaths must have strong shields, divine discretion and strong boundaries — the power of your gift cannot be wasted on the unwilling…. loved the emotion of your writing! Have you ever checked out Judith Orloff?

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