Overlook the Negative to get There!

Avon Sunset
Avon Sunset (Photo credit: Dalboz17)


Wow!!! Life can get really confusing if you let it!! There are so many things that can go wrong in one day and you don’t even realize it until it hits you in the face at 10AM. It’s so hard to focus on the positive when all that seems to come at you is the negative. I really don’t like that fact that sometimes all I can see if what I get hit in the face with at some 100 miles an hour or so it seems. We’ve had more financial trouble in the last 2 months than we’ve both had in about 3 or 4 years. Every single time we think things are calming down so we can actually breath and hope to actually have a reason to smile again, someone or something else tests our patience and ability to stick together.


Never fails as soon as we get one child straightened up and doing well, another has to go back down the negative scale. It’s almost like you can’t have two good boys at the same time!! I will say since the diagnosis of the Paranoid Schizophrenia and the Cognitive Disorder for our oldest, his meds have made a tremendous difference in his personality and his life overall. It’s almost like we don’t even know who this kid is anymore. He has a personality, he can take a joke, he does his chores without a problem, he listens well, and he all hugely helpful as much as he can. The funny thing is this all sounds like our middle child whom is now taking his turn to be a butt-head. Not sure why at this point, but honestly I don’t feel like he really has a reason to either.


We get to spend two glorious days with our boys for about 5 or so hours and then we get to see them at night on the weekends for a couple of hours. It is hard to be with our boys anymore than this since we both work night jobs full-time and they go to school in the day full-time. However; between card games, movies, car rides, dancing, and whatever else we can pull out of our creative little minds … we seem to do alright. Every now and then we pull some miracle out of our ass and find a way to have family dinner at a restaurant. This last time our family dinner was Subway. It’s hard to realize your boys are growing up when the two oldest order foot longs with no problem eating them all and your youngest has moved up to a 6 inch with no problem finishing it. Our tears of joy were joined with a Volunteer Firefighter meeting us at the table to tell us how well-behaved our boys were and introduced herself and what she did for a living.


The boys each had their own touch of respect for what she had to say and each of them had their own measure of interest in it as well. Overall, it was a great time! My favorite of our times with the boys is when we make up little educational games for the boys to figure out and take turns trying to answer the questions. One of their favorites is the spelling game. Unlike most parents we don’t single out our boys by their intelligence or maturity or age with our questions. Each child will get a chance to spell the same word unless the other boys get it right. I feel that the boys each deserve their own equality when it comes to games and knowledge and learning. It just so happened that we had just left the Meijer store and got some things for the week. The boys were very well-behaved besides our middle child getting caught with esmoke accessories and getting talked to about it.


The spelling games commenced as soon as we got into the car and our youngest wanted a spelling word. So I thought long and hard about it and decided ADMIRE was a good word for him to try. He’s in 2nd grade doing 4th or 5th grade work easy. So this word should have been a real good challenge for him. Well, a challenge it wasn’t but a very good story to tell and laugh about that we will never soon forget, it was! This little man spelled his word A.D.M.E.I.J.E.R. and he was so proud when he did it!!! Me and my partner laughed and laughed and couldn’t believe the mind of a very intelligent 6-year-old. So we all look very forward to our times together whether it is big or small or Subway or Chinese Buffet.


The next thing that crosses my mind at this point is my article that I had posted on www.jovebelle.com for my guest appearance. I had many views but only two comments. The comments were to show interest in getting a free EBook of my novel memoir “Secrets of the Velvet Closet” and it seemed I haven’t caught anyone’s attention over it. I do have a few reviewers in progress to make it all work and show the honesty felt behind the story that is being told. I am looking forward to those reviews coming back and telling me like it is. I also wonder if that means my book has been denied acceptance because of the story or the strong themes in it or maybe just the unique grammar that is used. Either way it’s a little depressing everyday knowing that my story is too scary for people to read and be comfortable with. The sad part is there are a lot of details of my life that were very explicit that were purposely left out of the book and I guess I’m thankful that I did. I just didn’t realize people can’t handle just honesty in a story… especially when the words lesbian, child, or abuse come in.


Anyway on the other end of the spectrum, I have found something that I think I’m really going to enjoy as a pastime while possibly making some money with it as well. Everyone knows AVON right? Well, I’m now an AVON representative since I love the Fergie perfume so much. You can check me out: www.youravon.com/rmatlack if you want. However this one is not as exciting as my other representative job that I took on. Two questions you get to answer… do you love jewelry? … Do you love candles? Well, I’ve discovered a wonderful opportunity to get both and have fun while doing it. Check out my FB page if you get a chance and just leave a comment telling me you came from my blog and I will even give you 25% off. Let me know what you think of my FB page and what you think of the candles and let me know you came from my blog and I will give you the information you need further. My page is at www.facebook.com/jewerlyincandlesrm and I look forward to sharing this wonderful opportunity with you!!! I love jewelry even though I don’t get to experience it much, but this is just so awesome!!!


Other than that, I am always working on new ideas for my blog and still manage to hold my full time job. I do have to say I have a new addiction so-to-speak. I’m sure you’ve heard of True Blood. Well, I’m not into gore and I can’t stand fake vampire shows or movies, but I will tell you this… this show has got me and my partner on edge each and every hour we watch it!!! Sookie is so much like me and my dad that it’s scary!!! I love to see how people react to her though since I’ve dealt with the same issues my whole life and I have to say with all the things that are coming up in the seasons and many shows following… it definitely keeps my interest to say the least. I get bored easily too!!! I’m honestly surprised my lovely Violet isn’t bored of me yet… lol…. Books, blog, movies, and work…. Not much to brag about!! We both really enjoy our time together though and a little bit of Blackberry Brandy goes a long way on Euchre nights with the roommates, but nothing beats a good cuddle time with the loveyz of my life and some True Blood.


There’s a lot coming at us these days and it’s real hard to hold our heads up high and know that everything will be OK. I really don’t like the fact that I have to wait day by day to see if I’m going to drowned in some other debt or be slammed by some other family member that I’ve been nice to or supported or even bent over backwards for. We have to take our days by a single moment at a time and just pray and believe that everything happens for a reason regardless of how stupid, fucked up, retarded, pointless, or unfair it may seem. We’ve definitely shared our few fights lately and we both caught it in time to walk away and realize the argument or reason for the fight was not a descent one and we were just venting to survive another day of all of the bullshit.


Why does having a big heart hurt so much? I did hear something that caught my attention lately and maybe you can relate…


“You want to see the positive in every one so badly that you overlook the negative to get there!”