So I’ve come to the light of a touchy subject for myself and maybe others as well. What types of endearment are ok in the workplace? What’s ok for you and what’s ok for your partner? Hon, dear, sweetie, and what about baby? I’m all about endearment and comfortable family type conversations with coworkers. I’m all about the “joking around” and realizing life doesn’t have to be so serious. I love the fact that work isn’t so strict that I can barely breathe and I definitely don’t have to watch my paperwork trail when something slips. Work should be fun right?
Well, I’ve come to a light of this tunnel that I’m not so sure I like in any way shape or form. How does a man or boy or male figure come to the point in the life or career to just up and think it’s OK to call everyone around them baby? What kind of offense does that bring to you? I know personally I can’t stand the thought of anyone but my lovely lady calling me baby. When I grew up with being shown respect for myself and others, I took it seriously! Baby is just another term of fuckable woman or I could own you. Why? Can you see yourself driving up to a Taco Bell window and the man at the window saying to you, “hey baby what can I get you today?”. I would seriously be like I will Bitch slap your ass if you talk to me like that again. Now walking into a bar and hearing that, I would expect. Would I like it? Hell no!!!
Here’s the question though. Should we expect this type of treatment as women? Does it change if I’m wearing a short ass grabbing skirt or a pair of carpenter pants toppled with grease? Does it change if I’m long haired or short-haired? Does it change if I’m 18 or 60? Of course it does! The older we respectable women get, the more we expect from our surroundings including maturity. Not that most of us get it. Especially when you are standing in Walmart and you give your partner in front of everyone and you can’t help but to notice that suddenly the company around you is apparently blinded by your affection and can’t look away or have accidentally tripped over their carts to get away. So if I were to hear “baby can I get you something” at Wal-Mart? I would definitely freak out and probably wonder which flamer grew balls of steel.
So if this my own personal issue? It seems to be. I feel a woman should be treated with a lot more respect and baby is not respectful! I don’t care if you reach out and say it to the president or governor themselves as a compliment. That’s a problem for me. I’m thinking the reason the endearments are accepted as normal with words like, Hun, sweetie, deary, and so forth is because the elderly talk to the public like that. So it must have grown bigger and badder throughout the world day by day. So of course to a point, I’m accepting of the smaller words of endearment, but once again there are acceptions. I don’t just sit back and allow every Tom, Dick, Harry, Julie, Jan, or Margaret to call me these names. Just like southern men tend to call their women darling. Ghetto folk tend to call their loved ones boo, Mexican’s call theirs Senoritas, and evidently bar personnel call theirs baby.
I guess it might have something to do with the fact that I grew up in and around the bars and I know how women can be treated in them. I don’t care if she’s had a Cosmo or a round of tequila by herself, I still don’t feel it’s right and respectful to be calling a woman baby unless she is your baby. Then it comes down to the fact that we women are so used to being materialized that we make these little voices in our head remember, “it didn’t mean a thing”. How bullshit is that? I bet if the names sexy, diva, slut, and who knows how many others are out there were to come out; there would be strong attention then.
So am I overreacting? Do I need to catch up with the times of women being demeaned so lightly yet with a heavy conscience? What kind of self punishment should I consider for being so close minded about our lovely society today? What attempts of evil walk through my brain as I scandalously think of all the mean things I could say to make up for the rotten ways I feel women are treated? Are you ready for the best part of all? OK, I’m warning you this could hurt a little. Sometimes mere counts of anger towards the way women are treated trigger some ill-gotten effects and unfortunately this one caused an argument. My lovely lady is being called BABY by some little man who thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips. Oh but remember it’s ok now, because he does it with everyone!! So I am so tempted to start calling every sexy bitch just because I can and see if that works just as well. If I say it to everyone it makes it OK right?
So, while I was on my way to work I saw this SEXY BITCH running down the sidewalk, then when I came into work I said hi SEXY BITCH to this lady that came in for service, then when I answered the phone I said can I help you SEXY BITCH, then I started talking to a coworker and asked How are you SEXY BITCH, then I started talking to an old friend on messenger and asked what’s up SEXY BITCH, and then well… I guess I ran out of people to INSULT!!!!
I was taught this lesson when I was younger. I’m talking young as in just over 18 years old to about 23. I was real good at billiards. I was taught and trained to play and kick ass with no mistakes. I was bred into tight ass jeans, short belly shirts, make up, perfume, long sexy ass grabbing hair, high-heeled boots, and voice to kiss an angel. I learned how to bend over the tables and spread my legs just right so my shots weren’t only easy but extremely distracting for my fellow player. I played pool sharks, grannies, old rich men, young sexy kittens, drunken fools, bar owners, sailors, and the list goes on. I knew what to wear and how to wear it so when I made my shot I had every imagination in the bar wondering which way they would fuck me on the table. It didn’t matter if he/she was married or single. The best part was making sure I made eye contact in-between shots and lightly graze their leg or ass as I crossed paths.
So what was all this for at my age? You won’t believe it but I will tell you! I was beating people at pool with payments like never-ending Pepsi, cheese sticks, and bags of Doritos so that my mother could win a bet she had on me for more beer. Yes!!! I said that!!! I was given all kind of confidence by mother at all shots with how good I was, how beautiful I was, how much of a winner I was, how unstoppable I was, how much women were jealous of me (that was a good thing), and how hot damn SEXY I was. My hair was to play with, my ass was to grab, my voice was to swoon over, my tongue was to tease, my talent was to bet on, and overall I was not ABOVE this at all!!!!
Seriously, when I got older and I caught on to one of my lovely victims comment, “damn she won the bet” I asked him what he meant. I got the story in about two minutes along with a few compliments of how she taught me well. Funny thing is … she didn’t teach me pool. She taught me how to take my feminine standard and image and win at whatever I had to, but I was taught pool by someone completely different. So of course when I went and asked my mother about this… she admitted she won a beer and offered me a drink this time. When I told her I didn’t appreciate not knowing about this, she laughed at me and said you’re cute… Why not use it?
Well, down the road I was trying to date and that meant staying out of the bars and away from flaunting ways and daunting eyes. Until I dared go to the bar once again with her and once again she tried getting me to dress accordingly and act accordingly. I refused this time. She dealt with it and convinced me to play pool once again. I was stuck babysitting her and it was free so sure. About four games in, this hot rod slick guy with a big wallet comes in and my mom had an eye for men with money. Oh boy if that girl was good at anything for real, that was definitely it!!! To the bar he went and then they both turned around and looked at me playing pool. This time I knew what was going on. They both smiled and watched me for a while and then she laughed and nodded her head as he came in my direction. OH SHIT!!! Here we go again. Well, I wasn’t dressed for anything special that night so I was entirely worried. I played him a few games and 2 out of 3 I got him. Well as he took off behind me to put his stick away, I was attempting to break down the rest of the few balls sitting there and SMACK!!!! WTF?? That son of a bitch smacked my ass and reached his fingers up between my legs toward the end of it and said, “Yep that ass was worth it!”
I was pissed and totally went off on him as he was laughing and smiling and walking away tipping his hat to the bartender. I walked over to mom and asked her if she saw that. She very proudly smiled and said, “you did good baby girl, I’m proud of you.” Then I asked her if she saw that guy smack my ass and feel me up and she responded with, “leave it alone, you’re cute, you’re sexy, and you got a drink out of it”. Um, so my bits of respect ran out at this point in time and I started to go off on my mother. The next awesome phrase, “You are not ABOVE that!” came out of her mouth with a stern motherly look of SHUT UP!!!! Well that ended my awesome evening and was the last time for years that I went to the bar with mom and I haven’t taken in pool seriously since that event.
So I suppose I might have a reason to be slightly upset when my lady is being called baby at a bar just because this person or guy or male figure calls everyone baby. What kills me more is that she laughed it off and excused it as well. I guess I need to check myself and see if this term of endearment should bother me from someone to my lady. Then it comes down to realizing there are no safe personal endearments for my lovely lady and I if just anyone can come by and start saying things. So I guess I should just change my endearments right? How about cookie love muffin? How about honey cakes sweet bee? How about lavender Lilly lil bunny? Wait a minute; I do have an endearment that is just mine. I don’t say it in public to her, but I don’t really show much endearment in public to her anyway.
Don’t get me wrong. I would love to show love and affection to my LOVELY VIOLET in public. It becomes quite the challenge when you sense everyone’s thoughts and emotions and before you know it… you are holding back the tears or controlling the erratic heart beat. It hardly ever fails. I will grab my LOVELY VIOLET’s hand or her pants loop (all together now.. awe… ) and walk side by side with her and then my hands get sweaty, I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I trip over things, I get anxious or angry for no reason and then I feel them…. Looking, hating, wondering, cursing silently, ignorant of all and silently buzzing about with negativity about my loved one and I. This type of energy numbs my internal thoughts and emotions. It almost kills me to be anywhere in the vicinity of these ignorant judgmental people.
Here’s an example. What if someone died and when someone you didn’t even know walked by, all of a sudden you felt extreme pain and agony? You felt yourself uncontrollably start to cry and hard to breathe? You felt yourself want to crumble down into pieces with uncontrollable sadness, hatred, anger, resentment, depression, and so much more? Why would you feel these things? You don’t know this person and no one you know is dying. So why all of a sudden do you have all this extreme emotion being near this person? What if I told you he/she knew the one who died and you are now feeling their emotions entirely? Make sense to you? Probably not! It’s a lot to swallow! I know I have done it my whole life. Now imagine if you had 5, 10, 20, or 100 people around you and you felt all of their emotions that were going on as well. Now what do you feel? How do you control it? What do you do? Why are you so exhausted every day when all you do is work and sleep? Wait, if the job you work has people and you come into contact with them 24 to 60 times a day easy at work alone, do you think that might matter? Well, of course it does!!!
So why do you think I have problems showing huge amounts of endearment to the one I love? I think you can figure it out. In any case, if any or all of this went over your head… it’s ok… I have my name for her and that’s never going to change. Even if I have to sit and silently grumble about the other names she’s being called elsewhere out of my decision or control. I however won’t be letting ANYONE call me BABY anytime soon except my LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!
- ‘You the smartest bitch in this place’: What if brains were sexy? (monkeymoonmachine.com)
- List #10: List all the names you’ve been called, endearing and not so. (jenmccready.wordpress.com)
- ASK ELLA: Who’s a Bad B*tch? (jwwwdmagazine.wordpress.com)
- You Call That An Insult? (abbeygallagher.wordpress.com)
- Respect BEFORE Love (femmefuss.wordpress.com)
- Tired of Sexy (ilovetastemakers.com)
- Sarah Walton: What Is Sexy? (huffingtonpost.com)