HiT mE iN tHe HeAd!!!!

English: An American Lady butterfly against a ...
English: An American Lady butterfly against a cloud-filled sky. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So something hit me in the head this weekend. It hit me pretty good. In fact, I could almost say it left a real good-sized lump on my head and heart. Yes, I said heart as well! I had a little boy with a few different medical conditions at my home for a sleep over this last weekend. Bless his little heart he was so vibrant and full of smiles and personality. You could tell he had a social issue. He wasn’t sure how to act socially and really didn’t understand his boundaries. He had this overwhelming need to pursue all the information he could out of a situation or a statement. Almost like a sponge just absorbing nonstop. He was offering back rubs, massages, cleaning help, teaching help, and so many other things. He was more than happy to share anything he had with the adults or other children. His only problem that I could really see…. Was…. He felt down deep that he was in fact “a medical problem”. He didn’t see himself as a normal child whom had to see the doctor for things, he saw himself as a medical problem that got to be a kid sometimes.

I felt so bad for him in this aspect. I tried so many times to explain to him that he was a very special little boy with many gifts and those who truly cared about him… would see that little boy and his smile over the medical problems. He knew the names of his conditions, what he took because of them, where he went because of them, and made it clear he didn’t feel he was worthy of a friend or other “family” due to his problems and who he was.

May Ball: Monkeys?
May Ball: Monkeys? (Photo credit: Diamond Geyser)

I raised my kids their whole lives that everyone has medical problems all over and regardless of what it is or how many pills or treatments anyone has to take… everyone is still just human. That’s like walking up to someone you don’t know yet and saying, “Hi my name is ADHD. What’s yours?” It sounds ridiculous right? Well try explaining that to a little boy who has had to deal with doctors, meds, and surgeries’ his whole life since he was just born. Yeah … talk about a challenge! I love a challenge don’t get me wrong. I just saw this one as a day by day step by step challenge that takes a group effort. I suppose you are going to say something like, “he’s not your kid, so why bother?” I would tell you that I don’t care if he’s not my kid! I believe all children sick and healthy or young and old should always know they are not their illness… they are a human being with an illness. If we can get our kids to look at things this way instead of giving them the reason to use their illnesses as a crutch, I bet we could get our kids to be more confident and take more action for their own selves than blaming life on their medical diagnosis or problems.

This hit me pretty hard this weekend. I found myself trying so hard not to cry every time this little boy came to me to tell me why he was different and what he couldn’t do or who he couldn’t be friends with because he was so many problems. Ok, did you catch that? I heard him say to me that he couldn’t become anything he wanted to with friends or go places… because he WAS so many problems. My heart sank and my smile faded. My hands shook at the need to hold him tight. I wanted so bad just to wrap my arms around him and just hold him and tell him so many times over that he was not a medical problem!!! I’m not his mother and didn’t plan on being, but sometimes hearing things from outside your circle of comfort or friends…. Hits a little deeper and stronger than the normal set of compliments or comments you would get. So I sat back and listened with a glowing heart what this beautiful child had to say that he felt was pertinent to know about him so that I could “handle” or “stand” him. Then when he was done, I just sat back and smiled and said, “You are still a wonderful boy and I bet you have some great talents”. He proceeded to tell me things he was good at and I smiled more in anticipation to hear what this little boy looked forward to for his own credit.

New $62.2M mental health facility for North Shore
New $62.2M mental health facility for North Shore (Photo credit: Vancouver Coastal Health)

This experience reminds me so much of many children all over the world that feel they have to be whatever their race, nationality, religion, past, or even sexuality are. These children face so many challenges a day as it is. Then there’s the media plant that everyone needs counseling or medication, there’s the peer pressure that everyone needs to wear the same cool clothes and talk to the same cool people, and what the same awesome programs, there’s the family members that either stand back and let the children figure their own way or stand up and pave the way for their children, and there’s the different personalities that decide if they’re worth the worlds’ time in effort or personality due to these differences. These children start these worries as soon as they can go to school.

A child with a mental illness or a physical illness is no different from a child with no mental illness or physical illness whose being taught that they do. Yes, I understand dealing with Epilepsy is different from dealing with sexuality and understanding you are not a disease. I also know that many children know something is different with them by the age of 11. Whether it’s the pills they take, the counseling they seek, the friends they have, the family secrets being held, or the honesty that comes out of one person in their life that something is “not right”. All these things play a part in our little children’s worlds. They have to resort to “pretend” friends and family or their “animal” friends and family to find someone they feel will understand.

English: Think positive
English: Think positive (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know so many adults today that still have these issues. I can’t say I’m all that tight with them, but it’s not because they have medical problems… it’s because they chose their crowd carefully according to experience and trust… I wasn’t part of their decision. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about them and that doesn’t mean I don’t think of them and hope they are doing great as a human being… regardless of their medical condition. I also know people who live according to their sexuality. They feel they have to be a certain way or talk a certain way or be friends only a certain way because they are sexually different from others. I lived this way for the longest time. I still do watch myself and my partner in some of our actions or words for fear of actions being taken, but it’s not all that bad.

So this is the kind of stuff I get to sob over in my days off with my kids and partner or family members. I hope I have taught my children well enough that they are human beings… not medical problems!! I know it’s hard for me these days to look myself in the mirror and think, “my I have a pretty smile” when all I see are acne spaces all over. My loving wonderful lady for life tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how sexy she sees me! I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful family with three kids and a beautiful partner that supports me and sees the real inside me! I get to hear wonderful words of wisdom and confidence and positive influence from my children, partner, and other family in the home. I try to push the same things towards them, but don’t always get the chance.

Tattoo Convention
Tattoo Convention (Photo credit: Cifo aka Big Cif)

So on another note; I’m looking at my next three tattoos that I want done. I think I finally decided what to do with my youngest one’s tat. I have a wolf pic I found that resembles a wolf coming through a wall. I think I want that one on my outer leg with my son’s name hidden in it. I also have a tat I would love to have done with my partner that really seems to represent us as a whole. I will have that done on my right shoulder. I also want a rose vine on my ankle some day (when I get balls of steel) to represent my relationship and love for my mother. Then (I know I said 3 but this one is secretly there too) I want my tribal band on my other arm with some type of significance to my boys, tribe, family, and heritage. These are quite a bit off any time line yet; however if it’s meant to be, it will be! The first I’m looking into is the tat for my partner and I. I really feel that tattoos are a symbol of love and appreciation. You only get one body your whole life; why not decorate it as you would your car, home, room, book, hair, face, or anything else you hold pride in? I want to decorate mine with all that means the world to me!!! I don’t regret what I put on my body, but I also don’t just run out and start putting things on there either. I think long and hard about anything and everything I do to my body regardless of how big or small it seems to be at the time! I love art and the expression of art!! I feel that my body and life are a canvass to tell a story and the only one that qualifies to tell that story is me. So why not tell it how I want to tell it?

The next thing on my list is the beautiful relationship between my two best friends in the world. I have the best relationships in the world with these two people!! They don’t play me, lie to me, cheat on me, steal from me, or try to deceive me in any way. They both have supported me in all that I am and all that I do. Now what would be the problem with this? Well technically there isn’t one with this lovely set of relationships on my end, but holy my nolies…. There is one on their end!!!! Talk about stressful!!! Trying to get the two most important parts of your life to stand back and just listen and learn for five minutes a day instead of taking their stubborn asses to the grind stone with whatever either of them can come up with to bitch about!!!!! I love them both dearly and wouldn’t want to jeopardize either of these relationships for nothing, but it seems real hard sometimes to NOT take sides. I feel where they are both coming from!! I feel for them both!! I know what they are both saying!!! However I can’t seem to get them both to see where each other is coming from or going with. This causes some serious issues!!!

Let the battle commence
Let the battle commence (Photo credit: _redheat)

How do you just sit back and watch the two most understanding and supportive people in your life tear each other apart over stupid stuff that just seems to add up by day regardless of rhyme or reason? How do you step in and state your piece of mind without coming off like a tormented soul of problems that aren’t even yours? How do you open your mouth with an opinion without either of them feeling or thinking that they don’t have words or thoughts as important as the other? How do you reach way down inside both of them and get them to listen and learn step by step without trying to bash their heads into one another or make them put on a straight jacket in a small round room and tell them to get along and listen to each other or stay put? (That last one almost seemed like a tempting idea).

I’m so lost for words these days!! Part of me wants to just get a stronger bottle of Brandy and say “fight it out”. The other part of me is tempted to just shut down and pour into my writing regardless of what comes out and ignore whatever is going on between them. Then of course, there’s the part of me that sincerely tries every which way I can to make everything right and work at least for the moment of my breathing. Then I can pretend it will last more than a moment… even though it doesn’t.

Ping-pong Strobe
Ping-pong Strobe (Photo credit: highdelll)

These arguments are definitely not healthy for either of us, since I end up going on defense for my dad with her and for my lovely lady with him. Either way I go, I’m like ping-pong ball easier bounced to another side of the ring or table until someone finally misses and I bounce off into the distance as the fight continues. Waiting to be recognized and picked up again so I can try to solve yet another argument or disagreement without causing one between my love and I. I don’t like to fight with my dad either, but sometimes he doesn’t really give me a chance. Actually to be honest, both of them have problems with giving the other a chance to speak and state their purpose or meaning if their mind is set. This becomes a tad bit annoying since I’m the one who gets the head bit off and the grumblys. I don’t mind the venting… everyone has to vent… but when it’s directional and I’m standing in front of it and becomes a responsive only active predicament? Well then I’m up for grabs to any other family member that I can run to… to keep from the negativity. This probably sounds bad, but I am a helpaholic and I do have problems saying no to people…

You know how people ask, “If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?” Well, I have thoroughly thought about this and I totally know my answer. No, it’s not my butt, my breasts, my thighs, or anything like that. It’s not my phobia to be honest cause I like a challenge and that’s a daily challenge regardless. It’s not my parents or family members, though some of them may seem to deserve to be replaced. It’s not my friends or lack there of, since I trust few from my past experiences and the latest was a 15 year investment. It’s something science should have figured out, but nothing has ever worked for me. I deal with the torture all day and all night and end up with back problems and bad acne trying to control it. You would think it would be a simple issue, but turns out having my whole life… it’s quite complicated and a large pain in the ass.

English: Main symptoms that may appear in anem...
English: Main symptoms that may appear in anemia. (See also Wikipedia:Anemia#Signs and symptoms). Model: Mikael Häggström. To discuss image, please see Template talk:Häggström diagrams (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

For other uses, see Anemia (disambiguation).

Anemia (/əˈnmiə/also spelled anaemia and anæmia; from Ancient Greek: ἀναιμία anaimia, meaning lack of blood, from ἀν- an-, “not” + αἷμα haima, “blood”) is a decrease in number of red blood cells (RBCs) or less than the normal quantity of hemoglobin in the blood.[1][2]However, it can include decreased oxygen-binding ability of each hemoglobin molecule due to deformity or lack in numerical development as in some other types of hemoglobin deficiency. Because hemoglobin (found inside RBCs) normally carries oxygen from the lungs to thecapillaries, anemia leads to hypoxia (lack of oxygen) in organs. Since all human cells depend on oxygen for survival, varying degrees of anemia can have a wide range of clinical consequences.

Anemia is the most common disorder of the blood. The several kinds of anemia are produced by a variety of underlying causes. It can be classified in a variety of ways, based on the morphology of RBCs, underlying etiologic mechanisms, and discernible clinical spectra, to mention a few. The three main classes include excessive blood loss (acutely such as a hemorrhage or chronically through low-volume loss), excessive blood cell destruction (hemolysis) or deficient red blood cell production (ineffective hematopoiesis).

Of the two major approaches to diagnosis, the “kinetic” approach involves evaluating production, destruction and loss,[3] and the “morphologic” approach groups anemia by red blood cell size. The morphologic approach uses a quickly available and low-cost lab test as its starting point (the MCV). On the other hand, focusing early on the question of production may allow the clinician to expose cases more rapidly where multiple causes of anemia coexist.

Now in so many words, this means I’m COLD all the FREAKING TIME!!!! I have to wear many layers of clothing to function day to day. If I get too cold for too long and I can’t come down, I pass out with no choice in the matter. My body just shuts down. This totally sucks!!! When others are nice and warm in a 65 degree area, I’m three layers deep. I have to wear three to four sets of clothing everyday just to survive in or out of a building unless the temperature is at least 72 degrees or higher. Talk about torture!! That’s what I would change about me!!! I hate it with a passion!!!!

I will leave this awesome post with some encouraging words of wisdom I found:

How to Avoid Holiday Family Fights

’Tis the season for…family fights? Learn how to manage 15 classic difficult family personalities.

By Amanda Hinnant

Greg ClarkeRealSimple.com

“Everyone’s a child at Christmas,” the saying goes. At Thanksgiving, however, everyone simply acts like one—petulant, complaining, unhelpful, boastful—as they all assume their prescribed roles. (You, of course, are perfect.) No matter how mature your relatives may be in everyday life, when thrown together in an old, familiar situation, they regress—and their “issues” take center stage. Why? Experience has taught them that this behavior succeeds in getting people to focus on them and their agendas, says Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families ($16, amazon.com).

While you can’t control the actions of your role-playing relatives, you can at least control your own reactions. Here, authorities on etiquette and family dynamics offer strategies for handling a tableful of problem personalities. As for you, just keep up the good work.

The “Constructive” Criticizer

Often heard saying: “When I was in your situation, I knew exactly what I had to do.”
The offense: Gives you unsolicited advice about everything from raising your kids to raising your hemline.
Your course of action: “The criticizer relies on his ability to bait you,” says Sue Fox, author ofEtiquette for Dummies ($22, amazon.com). Don’t take the bait: Thank him, point out facts he may have overlooked, and move on. If he keeps offering barbed comments disguised as advice, Caroline Tiger, author of How to Behave ($15, amazon.com), suggests cutting him off with a breezy “Don’t worry about me—I’m fine!”

The Slacker

Often heard saying: “Yup, just a sec…I’ll be riiiight in.”
The offense: Refuses to help with the cooking, cleaning, child care, or even candle-lighting.
Your course of action: “Entertain the possibility that this person doesn’t realize anyone needs help, or perhaps he’s worried that if he were given a task to complete, he’d fail,” says Tiger. Give him precise instructions, something like “Vincent, it would be a great help if you went ahead and started rinsing the dishes. Let me get you an apron.”

The Cheerleader

Often heard saying: Anything with exclamation points. “Hey, guys! Let’s bundle up and go caroling in the snow!”
The offense: Hurls herself into the holiday spirit, donning seasonal sweaters with more doodads than a junk drawer.
Your course of action: If you’re not in the mood or if her joyousness feels forced, the cheerleader can be extremely irritating, says Fox. Don’t attempt to dampen her good cheer (she likes being the center of attention), but don’t let her cow you into wearing felt antlers to the table, either. Just keep your distance.

The Exaggerator

Often heard saying: “The Feds said the raid could not have gone down without my tip.”
The offense: Chronically oversells achievements, work situations, children’s accomplishments, size of fish caught.
Your course of action: “It’s rude to embarrass a guest who might be exaggerating due to feeling insecure,” says Tiger. “A little hyperbole on his part isn’t too much for you to endure if it makes him feel more comfortable.” Besides, everyone else at the table probably sees right through him, too, points out Barry Greenwald, Ph.D., associate professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

The Martyr

Often heard saying: Nothing. She’s still in the kitchen, slaving away over a hot stove.
The offense: Lets everyone know just how many potatoes she had to peel—and shows the blisters to prove it.
Your course of action: When she begins listing her suppertime sacrifices, interrupt with “And that is why you deserve to relax for the evening.” All you can do is ask if she needs help—if only to assure yourself that you tried. “She is obviously getting something she needs out of this, be it satisfaction or superiority,” says Tiger.

The Passive-Aggressor

Often heard saying: “Whatever you think is best.”
The offense: Follows every shred of opinion with a question mark. Knows what she wants but tells you after the fact.
Your course of action: “This person is wounded because you haven”t been able to read her mind,” says Greenwald. Her behavior is a subtle manipulative device that she is probably totally unaware of. Get past the after-the-fact guilt and ask her to be clear the next time. Say something along the lines of “If you let me know next year what kind of pie you prefer, I’ll put it on the menu.”

The Oversharer

Often heard saying: “The doctor doesn’t know what it is, but it itches like a mother…want to see?”
The offense: Passes around gory details like so many candied yams. Doesn’t know what is appropriate table talk.
Your course of action: “Often this person makes many social blunders and believes people want to know what he has been through,” Greenwald says. Gently change the subject. Tiger suggests offering a related topic, such as “I hear sciatica can be very uncomfortable—especially when you’re pregnant. Grace, when is your daughter-in-law due?”

The Whiner

Often heard saying: “Help! My string beans are touching the gravy!”
The offense: Makes it known that nothing is right—or as good as it was in December 1984. Complains about everything from the fork tines to the figgy pudding.
Your course of action: “Most malcontents are not a threat and don’t require you to do anything but continue being your usual friendly and polite self,” says Fox. They play the victim role as a way to get attention. Disregard their attempts to get you to share their foul mood, she advises.

The Bully

Often heard saying: “Everyone knows you got the beauty and your brother got the brains.”
The offense: Doesn’t pick on people his own size. Hurts others’ feelings.
Your course of action: The bully uses mockery as a way of connecting with others. Don’t play his game—he probably has an arsenal of experience dating back to his days of milk-money thievery. But do stand up for yourself, and don’t back down. Fox suggests using humor to make light of his seriousness: “And you obviously got the charm.”

The Busybody

Often heard saying: “Got a bun in the oven yet?”
The offense: Annually asks when you are going to get a man, get married, get pregnant, or get a life.
Your course of action: The busybody wants to feel superior to you by making you feel insecure. In response to her nosy inquiries, ask politely why she is asking—and smile, advises Fox. This usually embarrasses the busybody enough to make her drop the question. Sarcasm also works, says Tiger. Simply look aghast, pause, and reply, “Oh, my gosh, I forgot!” Then move on.

The Pontificator

Often heard saying: “Just a second, dear—I’m not finished making my point. As I was saying…”
The offense: Dominates the conversation. Doesn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise.
Your course of action: This person finds himself fascinating, never mind what others think. “Seat him near those who will be least affected by his constant drivel—children, for example,” says Tiger. Steer the conversation away from topics he typically waxes poetic about and toward ones that somebody else is expert in.

The Gossip

Often heard saying: “That’s not what I heard.”
The offense: Spreads family “secrets” like butter on bread.
Your course of action: “Gossip is unavoidable and, for the most part, benign,” says Fox. “It’s just everyone’s way of showing they’re interested in other people.“ There’s no need to scold guests for livening up the conversation with a few juicy details. If someone’s gossip is extreme and mean-spirited, however, think about not inviting the infectious person next year, Greenwald says.

The Emotional Wreck

Often heard saying: “I just need closure.”
The offense: Goes to pieces whenever the family comes together.
Your course of action: Give this person a chance to vent before you all sit down to supper. Assure him that you know he is going through a difficult time, and say that you want to hear all about it, Covey suggests. Let him know you are free to listen anytime you’re able to give him your full attention—in other words, not between the soup and salad courses.

The Grinch

Often heard saying: “Kids, don’t get too comfortable—this is just a pit stop.“
The offense: Hates everything. Doesn’t get that whole “quality time” thing. Prefers the game on TV to the gathering in the next room.
Your course of action: Let him know he can RSVP with a no, “since I know how hard these kinds of get-togethers can be for you.” If you want to spend time with him that day, try a gentle plea, like “I’d love to catch up with you—how about turning off the game and going for a quick walk?” Specify an activity with a time limit.

The Drunk Uncle

Often heard saying: “Less mixer, more liquor.”
The offense: Makes it tempting to switch to sparkling cider for the sake of a peaceful dinner.
Your course of action: Communicate ahead of time that drinking will be limited this year, Covey says. Ask specifically for this person’s cooperation. If he insists on getting drunk, take him aside and ask that his drinking be done elsewhere. In this situation, you might try having someone with influence over him—his wife, his father—step in and negotiate. Most important, says Fox, make sure he gets home safely. Arrange for transportation if necessary.

Surefire Subject Changers

Non sequiturs have their moments: They’re invaluable as a not-so-subtle way to steer conversation away from the brink of a family brawl. Just remember that changing the subject is an art form, requiring balance and awareness. “Be careful not to do it without reason or without letting the other person finish what he was trying to say,” Sue Fox warns, or you risk being labeled the one who barely listens. Asking a question is usually effective—other uncomfortable family members will probably jump at the chance to talk about something else. Some ideas:

  • Ask if anyone is up for a movie after dinner, then list the ones you’ve been dying to see. Someone will surely volunteer a suggestion of his own, sparking further discussion, even if you never get around to going.
  • Think of something that has happened to you in the last few months that you can announce to the table. Promotions, awards your kids have won, or recent home improvements, however small, are all fair game. (Don’t tread into braggart territory, however.)
  • Start talking about a relative who is not at the gathering. Nothing nasty—just ask if anyone has news about that person.
  • Comment on the food. Ask where the chef found the recipe or what kind of wine you’re drinking.
  • The last resort: Accidentally catapult a spoonful of peas across the table. “Everyone’s eyes will be on you, instead of on the person who’s being rude or inappropriate,” Caroline Tiger says.

Now to study these and see if I can figure something out…

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